I'm Not A Girl, Not Yet A Woman

I haven't blogged in a while. I highly doubt any of you missed me in the cyber world. Truth be told, I've been super busy lately. Plus a lot of things has been on my mind lately. Just thought maybe I'd drop a few lines today.

Two weeks ago I celebrated my 26th Birthday. Yes, I'm officially 26 now. Not 25 anymore. Twenty Six! Syukur kepada Allah SWT karena usia dipanjangkan. Alhamdulillah. I'm a big girl now. Yes, I still consider myself a girl. Kinda in a transition of changing from a girl to a woman. Just like Britney Spears sings "I'm not a girl, not yet a woman". 

When my mum was 26, she was already working, married and pregnant with me. Here I am, 26, not working yet, not married and obviously not pregnant. Whoaaa! Ape nak jadi nie? I don't care about the getting married part but at 26, not working, still struggling with studies and still depending on your parents has a bad ring to it. 

A few months ago I was on a road to pure happiness. Don't get me wrong, I am happy now but I do feel like something's missing. Now there is a wall in the middle of that road. I guess I can say things have been rough lately. If my friends back home realized I have kept myself to myself lately because I was feeling down but did not want it admit to myself. There was the time when I deactivated my Facebook just because I was sad every time I opened it. Reading other people's happiness when you are struggling does get you down. 

I guess you're wondering what has been bothering me lately. It's my studies. For the past 6 months not a day goes by without me dropping a few drops of tears. Some days are better than others. There are days when you fake a smile eventhough you wanna cry so badly. I think I'm a pro at faking smiles now. Heh. There are days when you conceal your disappointment with shopping. There was also a time that I lost appetite to the point that I barely ate. Of course there are also days that you end up crying in your room. I hope this phase will end soon. I'm not sure how much longer I can deal with this. It's gonna be even harder now. But I know I can do it. I have faith. 


It is said that Allah SWT won’t test a person beyond his or her capabilities. Every time He tests you, He is only making you stronger. He wants you to realize your potential. I truly belief that is true. I know I have changed over the past few months and hopefully for the better. I do not want to be sad. I will be patient. I will smile. I will never lose hope. Everything will occur according to pre-ordainment. 

I have to start re-blogging about happy things again. That was the point of re-starting this blog anyway. Forgive my random ramblings. Just felt like letting it out.